Jack of all Trades

-

 I joined the local library

I pay the council tax bill

Smoking cigarettes to see 

How much time I could take off my student loan


Jack of all trades

Yet...Master of none

I remember faintly

It's the way I made me


I started passing out on trains 

All I hear is "All change! All change!"

The girl I am is just fading

But I promise I'm okay 

I completed CBT!

                (I'm so over burn(t) out)


I paid the grocery bill 

and the gym membership

I burnt the candle at both ends

Now watch me come up with excuses

to excuse myself


Chasing the radiance I lost at 17

I cut a corner, lost the drawing board

This place is just another purgatory

and I'd promise you anything for another deal of the cards

Instead I bite my tongue and choke on it,

Should I quit this all or start venting?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Latibulate

-
Reaching 22 and I thought I would've figured it out by now I've been running to catch up with All the life I've run away from Attached but disengaged Where's the authenticity in feeling? Disappointed and delusional Conclusions are within reach  but I can barely feel my face I am lightning that needs some grounding  I'm a storm of emotion  Wasted just like my potential  I'm paying the debts of people I've never met If I am to go around chasing rabbits  How long will it take to stumble down a rabbit hole? Seen by many misunderstood by all So I latibulate (quietly) Unsteady as a jammed-up gun Ready to shoot the wrong messenger at the right place and time As if I ever get better  Get it together  What if I woke up and I wasn't so desperate to run up that hill anymore? Clarity cuts deeper than the lies The closer we get to me  I'll turn into a different lie I'm the space in between widely optimistic and delusional  Nothing scares me more than my o...
Read more

Survival Mode

-
 Curiosity used to bug me all the time Too tired to learn on my own I begrudged and hang up the phone  My tv killed my imagination no inspiration, no motivation  lying in bed  living dead It's not sloth, 'cause I tried but... I couldn't find anything to satisfy  I am losing my mind  Is this just a state of mind  if it happens all the time? Sex is fine, just another activity to kill time Another enterprise in the dopamine free line Stuck in my mind, another night that I'll just get covered in slime An observer of my own life An empty chest for a heavy heart  I am numb, completely neutral Searching for a feeling Comfortably uncomfortable  'cause I can run but I can't hide  No worry, no hope Just survival mode I'm simply searching for a feeling  Have I already burnt-out? Both indifferent and hopeful Just like a strong acid in water  I'll dissociate.
Read more

No Man's Peace

-
 Beer and cigarettes for breakfast  breathing in all your low blows  I smoked myself into a bad mood, momentary lapse of impulse control... That's the way my father made his life a mess An exhibit, not a person I'm just a face in the crowd they'll  never forget about Deception's this way Watching me glow, surrender all control, Are you ready for your benediction? Not the kind of thing to last forever so follow me to the edge of the bridge I'll watch you all go up in flames with it Like the pariah of the village  I burned it all down just to feel its warmth I will be no man's peace, I begin to twist We'll laugh 'till we cry, So make up your signs from above  Soon everything will be a memory. You'll curse me once the thrill expires... So let's dance all night, Try to feel alive. Am I self-destructive or just stupid? All caught up in someone else's business all over It's only a matter of time 'till I run out of things to do Knowledge mig...
Read more